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By Steve A. Hamilton Introduction: An illusion is a misconception. It is having an understanding that does not accurately represent reality. Such illusions can create problems in a marriage. I. Before marriage many people look for a spouse using their own illusions as criteria. For example, people think they can find happiness if their spouse were: A. Physically beautiful. 1. Solomon married many beautiful women. But what did that do for him (1 Kings 11:1-3)? His wives turned his heart way from God (1 Kings 11:4ff). 2. Happiness is not found in physical beauty but in a relationship (Gen. 2:18). It is the reason God created women for men in the first place. B. Wealthy. 1. Solomon learned that wealth didn’t bring happiness (Eccl. 2:4-11). 2. Happiness is not found in money but in contentment (Phil. 4:11-13; 1 Tim. 6:6-10). C. Powerful or prestigious. Happiness is not found in greatness but in humility (Mark 9:33-35). II. Many people get married believing the illusion that they can change their spouse. A. This is certainly possible (1 Pet. 3:1-2) but it is also equally improbable. B. Deciding whether to marry a non-Christian could be the most important decision in life. You should not make such a choice with the illusion that they will change. If your spouse doesn’t become a Christian, it will not only adversely affect your life, but it might prevent your own children from ever obeying the truth. C. My Dad use to tell me if she won’t change before marriage, she won’t change after marriage. I believe there is wisdom in those words. III. The illusion of love. A. Love is blind. Love “thinketh no evil” (1 Cor. 13:5). That is certainly a good thing about love. However, it often clouds our rationale. B. Many people have been blinded by love and find themselves married to a dud. Consider Abigail who was married to Nabal (1 Sam. 25:2-3). As the story goes David provided protection to Nabal’s servants while they worked in his territory. In turn, David sent servants to Nabal asking him to provide food for a feast. Nabal belligerently refused (1 Sam. 25:10-11). David was furious and gathered 400 men to wipe Nabal out. However, Abigail got word of what happened (1 Sam. 25:17-27). David was impressed by Abigail’s plead, accepted her apology and took the food she provided and returned to his land. Abigail now had to tell her husband what she had done (1 Sam. 25:36-37). Not only was Nabal oblivious to what happened, he turned a cold shoulder to her for giving David his food as though she had done something wrong. Abigail single handedly saved the farm, their lives, and the lives of all their servants. But Nabal could only find it within him to sulk. God was not impressed with Nabal’s attitude or conduct (1 Sam. 25:38). C. When you find yourself in love and are thinking about spending a life time with this one person, consider the words in Philippians 2:1-4. Not only will those words guide you into making a good decision but they will always guide you throughout marriage. You certainly don’t want to be married to a Nabal (Nabal in Hebrew literally means fool (1 Sam. 25:25)). IV. Illusions with regard to problems (by Warren King, Marriage, lesson 7). A. “Our situation
is hopeless.” No situation is hopeless unless you are dead. Some situations
are more difficult than others. We must patiently work through the difficulties
(Heb. 10:36-39). C. "The problem is not that serious" (denial). If sin is involved, it is serious (Rom. 6:23). If sin is not involved, learn to be more longsuffering with one another. Conclusion: Let there be no illusions. True happiness in marriage (as in life) comes when we love God with all our heart and when we love our spouse (neighbor) as ourselves (Matt. 22:37-39). If you are not happy in your marriage, someone is not obeying the second greatest command! And you are probably under the illusion that it is your spouse. If you wish to repent please come… |
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Last modified: 05/02/08
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